Cross roads & ZoukOut 2012

It's 1 week to Christmas. It's my favorite time of the year, or at least it used to be. And because of how terribly conservative I am, though I know it doesn't appear so at all, such holidays, special occasions and birthdays, I always have to have my family have dinner together.

Since my mum started the restaurant- Table at 7 (www.tableat7.com), we haven't really kept to this ideal dinner situation in my point of view. I remember how i always tried to set the tradition, 1 present each to open when the clock struck midnight on the eve and the next morning, drag the brothers out of bed to the Christmas tree to devour the presents.

The 3 of us

This year we have no tree at home. I'm rather upset but I know that it's also because of how our lifestyles have changed. Ok mine hasn't. I'm still in the same job for 7 years and doing the late night/wee hours of the morning.

ANYWAY, I blog too long winded-ly. But i also realize that I've changed. I used to be more sticky, stubborn and uptight about pretty much everything. Everything has to be done in the way i deemed it to be perfect, everything in an ideal situation of mine. I guess people change over time. I don't see it as a good or bad thing. Change is always the only constant.

I'm taking a long break in January. And i was pretty excited about going to Korea to do my eyes, but I'm starting to get serious jitters. Pre plastic jitters. HAHA. Ok judge me all you want but I could be undergoing mid-life crisis of sorts, so i want to do this. Life is mundane enough, time to shake it up before i get the government's letter on my official change of ID and passport pictures next year. So hopefully all turns out good.

And i wasn't going to hide it. But this is how I look now.

Me at ZoukOut 2012

Which brings me on to talk about ZoukOut for a bit. I had wanted to do a dedicated entry on what it means to me, but despite having it all in my head, when it came down to it, i couldn't blog about it. But since I chose to post a picture at ZoukOut, here's some tiny tiny thoughts i have.

It was my 7th ZoukOut this year. People always ask me what I actually do for the festival. Simply put- i seek partners and sponsors willing to part with cash and to build pre-event campaigns in line with the festival that would add value to ZoukOut as a whole. I shall not go into the depths of how I do it, what I do or anything of that sort.

Each year for me, there would be a certain kind of magic from ZoukOut that I would take with me. I remember dancing till dawn to Dennis Ferrer with the then love of my life and Pipi's sunrise set from many ZoukOuts back, which remains to be one of the best memories for me. There have been many moments, tucked away in the vault of my memory bank. But for me, each year it is also a very gentle reminder of how fucking amazing the Zouk family is. Seriously, which event on such a large scale is planned, strategized and executed completely in-house? It's about the people behind the scenes, people like Simon, Rexx, Jeremy, Benny, Joyce, Yasee, etc. This is the true magic of ZoukOut. The people that make it happen. And when i thought about it once more this year, i am honestly humbled to be working alongside these few amazing souls.

ZoukOut 2012

The sheer scale of the event still overwhelms me. And this year, i took a moment away alone when Knife Party came on. I needed to soak it in. And I did, in all its entirety and rawness. I reflected back on my years at Zouk, my first ZoukOut and I am grateful.

ZoukOut 2012 Crowd

As with all things in life, nothing lasts forever. Another ZoukOut gone, a passing memory. So let's not dwell too much on what was but let's look towards what will be.

7 days to Christmas. 14 days to 2013.
For the heart seeks what the heart knows best, to love and to love more.
Till the next time. x

The Moments That Define Us

"Embrace the small moments in life for one day you will look back and realize those were the greater moments. Life."

I do feel blessed, some days i wake up wondering and questioning the purpose of my existence. Since I hit the big 30 next year, the thought of it or rather the notion of turning 30 scares me. Maybe because at 30, we are expected to be in a marriage, planning to have children or in the midst of having one and doing the baby showers, starting a new home, blah.

Of course, it isn't happening in my situation. I used to be one of those girls, who was destined to be the first few in the clique to get married and have children. I've always been a girlfriend sort of girl, if you know what I mean. But life and love have the funniest way in working themselves out. So here I am.

Since my last post in July, so much has happened, every day something changes, something happens. I guess that's life, and before you know it, it's just gone with the wind. And just like that, i find myself needing to blog. It's my feeble attempt to keep the moments. To remember.

There have been a few moments.

A few weeks ago. We found ourselves. Maybe star-crossed lovers in a world too cruel, where temptations are entangled in obligations. We will never hold each other till the ends of the earth. But, he's my soul mate and me his.

A conversation last night struck me. In the midst of the intensity and all the rawness of it, the question of ethics or morals came up. What defines who we are. It was oddly stimulating. A moment. 

xx

Let's talk about love baby

It’s been awhile. And I hate to have to say this, but to just take a break to rest and do the things I am unable to do in Singapore, I have to take a weekend away. Sad but true how our lives in Singapore consist of a daily rush, of trying to seemingly accomplish so much in 24 hours.  So to simply put it across, I have to go away to blog. HAHAHA. Really now?

I suspect I’ve also reached some kind of point in my life where there’s been a shift. It could be a certain level of self awareness or that most things don’t matter, or rather the things that do matter are few but of greater significance.

One of the greatest shifts I’ve seen is the way I perceive love. Having been an idealist and a purist of what love represents since a tender age, the many experiences that I have been through have seem to put that into perspective for me.

My mum has said before that I have to be in a relationship where I love the other person more. When I love, I really love. It’s like I’ve envisioned myself in a Hong Kong drama series and the ending to that would be me dying for my one true love. Go watch “Young and Dangerous”. Enough said there.

We always want what we cannot have and what we have, we get tired of or we find fault with the imperfections.  Initially when it first started out, I think it was like a school girl crush for me. Then over the 1.5 years, what has happened is truth be told, I’ve fallen in love with him. And the fact remains as well that I will never be his. And I sure as hell know it BUT somehow, I just keep giving and loving. Some days I hate myself to bits, other days I convince myself how it is ok to love this way and then there are other days I say I will give in to how society has perceived most girls to be and just let someone else love me and take care of me. Get married, have kids and blah.

I love him for so many reasons, but each time it hurts so bad to know the reality of it, when at the end of the day, it isn’t me that he will go  back to. It’ll be nice to be his. That’s why each time he does take my hand or when he said he loves me, I can’t begin to express how the heart felt.

But I’m tired. And I always remember what Leyla said to me. It was one of those moments that will stick forever. Like super glue. The time will come, that one window of opportunity for you to drop it all, to let it go. And when you do, suddenly something else comes along. Something that you never expect. It would all be ok until I see him, then I’m back to square zero, I would do anything and everything for him to be safe and happy. But then, who makes sure I’m safe and happy?

It’s a never ending story.

Hello Bangkok day 2.

xx

The many million things I want to blog about....

So in the middle of the night, when all the world is asleep, I feel a sudden urge to write.
About love and broken hearts, about nights at Zouk, about true friends, our Singapore education system and why we need to do a major overhaul and how much i hate money.

I also want to write about Mambo Jambo & how our entertainment industry has evolved over the 7 years that I stepped foot into it. The close links with social behavior, how women are viewed and where music is today, just in my own personal opinion.

And why I am so attached to my car or why I should be. So it's all swimming in my head, all these million ga-zillion thoughts. And hundreds of pictures to share.

I will make the time to do so. Promise to self. x

Fear to love

I have so much love to give as a person. An ex boyfriend once said to me, maybe you fall in love too easily. And we talked about fearing to love. I don't think I ever grasped the concept of that fear. Until today.

For all the hurt & all the tears I've cried, I am overwhelmed by the sadness I feel today that I will never love the same way again. I've warned myself never to let the pain from the past mould the love in the future. But I guess the world is screwed up & people fuck up.

I hate myself for being afraid to love. It can't be happening because then I'll just be like one of the millions out there who become jaded & who can't see the hope in a perfect love.

Love is something so pure & being able to love another is a true blessing. What I have given in love, I have never regretted & the purity of the way I love, I will take full credit for. But the fear is inevitable. Maybe the heart can no longer take the blows ever again so it's on full alert.

I'm scared to fall in love and I'm sad that I am.

When life throws you honey waffles & you're way too cool for school

I suspect I'm going through some weird kind of time at the moment. I seem to have a sudden obsession with expressing how I feel using food, particularly dessert. And while I'm writing this, I'm thinking of pancakes for breakfast tomorrow.

Pancakes for me fall in the same category as rainbows and waterfalls and fireworks and hello kitty and tattoos. The category being: What makes Sofie happy.

Anyways, the weekends flew by rapidly, as usual. A few highlights like the Electric Odyssey pit stop at Zouk. It's a world tour that this pair of friends from France- Xavier and Antonin are currently on, and in Singapore they chose Zouk as one of the stops to charge the car. It takes 6 hours for the car to be fully charged and it can then go on for about 120KM. I test drove the car around the Zouk carpark on an operation night!! It's a right hand drive and super smooth, it was mega fun!! But the picture of me wasn't nice so I'm putting the one of Benny and Xavier up!

Xavier & Benny in the Citroen Electric car

Will do a separate post on this when i get more pictures from their absolutely lovely photographer Eric Suard who sent me many kisses on FB today, the tour is now in Lao!

After i got back from Australia a few weeks back, or maybe it's an age thing, but I have developed the patience to speak to strangers, and i mean genuinely. Because to me, I need to be inspired and I continue to seek that inspiration even more so now than before from people that I meet. It's seeking appreciation in the tiniest things in life.

And the party goes on even if life gives you crap doesn't it?
I love this period when all the kids come back for the Summer holidays. It takes the entire entertainment landscape to a different level and there's a strange sort of buzz in the air. As part of the usual Zouk Soundsystem we always have, we had decided to give it some live and so the School's out Special came into play.

Let the pictures do the talking...

Year 2012: Kalyn, Hong & me in the Zouk office

Adele, Hannah, Hannah & Kalyn

My favourite shot from the night! Hong & djB

My school bag- i had to borrow it from a friend, it was suppose to be an Eastpak but we figured GUESS was old school enough.

Zouk Marketing & Entertainment team! Hannah, Nat, Kristina, QH & me

Hannah's friends from SAS, Kalyn & me

In the DJ console: Kalyn & Germaine

Kalyn & Hong

Kalyn & me

Loving this pose of djB's!!

I even went to get converse shoes just for the night. Our photo op was mad cute!

When i was scouting for the uniform and deciding if i wanted to do the whole Japanese school girl look or do the Singapore style "lian" look, i had to go with what was close to my heart.

Going around Far East Plaza (FEP) and trying to put the outfit together, I was with Ju-Anne who kept repeating how I'm a true blue lian and no one could be bothered the way i was bothered to get the uniform right. We ended up trying to look for 77th Street, which isn't even in FEP anymore!

I thought back on the days when it was all about Taka Square Swensons, AC boys, SJI boys, SC girls, MG girls, Far East kids and Potblack. When all that mattered was who's girlfriend you were and which MG girl was pregnant or which SC girl was in love with which AC boy.

I remembered fondly on how the complications then were so simplistic today.
We chatted on IRC and Alamak chats and were on time for all our appointments because all we had were pagers.

We said I love you through Alpha numeric messages.

Today we say i no longer love you through whatsapp.

It has evolved yet has remained the same. We move through time and digital space but essentially we are all lost souls.

xx

Brisbane, Sydney, Strawberry Watermelon Cake & Friendship

I always want to blog and i have loads of things that I want to type out, pictures I want to share, but somehow, when I get home, aside from rushing with emails and inventory and whatever else for Hungover Sundays, i have often found myself seeking the much needed comfort from the TV. 

I could survive with no internet, no computer, no phone, if i just had the TV.

Anyway, I just got back from a 8 day holiday break down under. It was part of a 7 year long promise i had kept to one of my best friends, Ju-Anne to visit. She's been in Brisbane for 9 years, and she's one of those friends where the awkwardness of being miles apart, across continents, in time zones of daylight savings or not, surviving in vastly different social circles and having lifestyles worlds apart have never been excuses to keep us apart. Thus, you see why she's one of my best friends.

Bribane I Farmers' Market I Ju-Anne & Me

I arrived at midnight, on a Friday morning, welcomed and greeted by 19 degrees of fucking awesome weather but looking like the bottom most level of hell. It was an almost 8 hour flight, where instead of sleeping, I indulged in on-air entertainment. This is really sad but the truth is I haven't watched a movie for maybe a year? Hence, the indulging.

And I highly suspect I was in some kind of mood. So, first it was "The Vow" and then this Chinese movie "Love You You" with Angela Baby as the lead actress. From the first movie to the next, I CRIED LIKE MY DOG DIED IN AN ACCIDENT. Or rather, i wept, on the plane, until my eyelash extensions became wonky and my eyes were all swollen.

So there I was at the pick-up point at the Brisbane airport, 12am, 17degrees, pink lojel & ready to conquer Australian soil, not realizing how these 8 days would eventually impact how i see life, friendships, work and love.

My first meal was Maccas!! So I have this thing, where no matter where I am in the world, I have to eat McDonald's. It's one of my favorite things in the world. I'm serious. If I didn't put on weight eating it, I could do it every night. There was one time, I did 4 nights in a row, and i felt so sick after. I can finish an entire upsize meal with milkshake and apple pie. The Aussie Maccas are No. 2 on my list after Japan's. =D The milkshake is really DOPE!!

Brisbane I McDonald's I Beef Burger something meal & Fillet O Fish

And then, I completely knocked out for 10 hours. I don't remember the last time I slept for 10 hours in Singapore.

The plan was that we were flying to Sydney on Saturday for 4 days. I haven't been back to Sydney for many years now, maybe 4 or 5. And i missed the place terribly, I had lived there before for 9 months before when I did my internship for Uni in 2004.

What i love most about Australia has always been the simplicity and randomness of how a cup of damn good latte can be sipped and enjoyed over a conversation with a complete stranger for 2 hours. I will always compare this to Singapore. It will NEVER happen.

On a larger scale of things, I define this as the quality of life.

Brisbane I Campos Coffee I Skinny Latte

Brisbane I Campos I Exterior

Now, I just have to say that the next paragraph is just my own personal opinion, it's not that I'm imposing my views on anyone.

Singapore's quality of life is zilch. I don't mean the cleanliness of our roads, the variety of food, the convenience of going places or the safety of our country. But essentially, Singapore has no soul. There isn't the spontaneity of the moment, of finding peace in chaos and creativity in the mess. Everything's too clean, too neat, too governed, too sheltered, too restricted. This hit me very hard.

We were at one of the hotel bars along Bondi Beach in Sydney one night, having a beer, post Hurricanes ribs. And we ended up chatting with a bunch of Aussies, of whom one of the girls just got back from Singapore. So the usual small talk went about how Singapore was, it's funny how the first thing she said was, Oh i went to this club, Zouk, and it was Groove Armada playing. It was good fun! Then she said, other than that, I didn't like Singapore, it has no soul.

You will never find the random cafe tucked in a corner or a vintage shop run by 2 generations with mum and daughter just chilling and chatting about a tourist's tattoos.

And the flea markets <3 what else can i say? Raw, real people, home grown lettuce, happy children.

Brisbane I Farmers' Market I Book store

Brisbane I Farmers' Market I "Looking through you"

Brisbane I Farmers' Market

Brisbane I Farmers' Market I Ju-Anne & Me

Brisbane I Farmers' Market I "Vegetables grown to Classical Music"

Brisbane I Farmers' Market I Fresh Fruits

Brisbane I Farmers' Market I Live Performances

Brisbane I Farmers' Market I "The kids are happier"

Brisbane I Farmers' Market I Freshly-Made Churros

Brisbane I Farmers' Market I Divine Doughnuts

Brisbane I Farmers' Market I Hot Spanish Sausages

Brisbane I Farmers' Market I "An Apple a day"

Brisbane I Farmers' Market I "Lettuce Loving"

I took pictures of all the fresh produce to show my mum! And i hand-carried the sausages back home, it can last for 3 years, and mould would grow around it but you just need to scrub it away and apparently it's fine to eat it! HAHA.

There was just way too much food, and i realize that each time when I think back fondly about any one of my favorite countries, or memories of any unforgettable trip, it always links back to a restaurant, a dish, a cake, a drink that is the best ever in the world, to me. So, please let me indulge on what took my breath away this time.

Brisbane I I forget the name of the restaurant! I Big Breakfast

This was really good, but i can't believe I forgot the name of the cafe! I loved the sweet potato and the polenta sticks were crazily good! It went perfectly with the beetroot & caramelized onions sauce.

Sydney I Hurricanes I Pork Ribs

Sydney I Korean Cafe in the city I Chocolate & Cinnamon Waffles

Oh no, I'm terrible, I don't remember the names of the cafes I went to. This one was next to Lumiere apartments in the city center. Had gone to meet up with Cindy, and she stays just round the corner. Cindy is my brother's friend, and she's doing her Masters in Sydney. Our conversation ended up being about how to attain our Aussie PR, how she ended up in Sydney and tonnes of other stuff.

Sydney I Cindy & me

I ended up having this chat with Ju-Anne about how it is so different overseas, where when you meet up with Singaporeans and make new friends, it seems easier. I'm not sure if its because we are all overseas in a foreign land, so the need to be part of a community becomes stronger and we become more acceptable and flexible on expectations, choices and preferences.

Back to the food, strangely enough, I ended up eating a lot more Asian food than Aussie food. Generally, my palette prefers Asian food, in order of sequence- Japanese, Chinese, Thai...

Sydney I Chat Thai I Boat Noodle Soup

This is potentially the best beef based Thai noodle soup i have ever had in my life. And we went at 3PM, it was only AUD$5! It is part of a chain of eateries, Chat Thai (www.chatthai.com.au) So damn fucking amazingly good. I have to swear to describe the extent of how good it was. I go to Bangkok quite often, but I've never had anything close to this even. I miss it already.

Sydney I Black Star Pastry I Strawberry & Watermelon Cake

This was the highlight of trip. The Strawberry & Watermelon cake from Black Star Pastry (www.blackstarpastry.com.au), Charlene (one of Ju-Anne's friends who just got married and moved to Sydney) took us there, and her husband had bought her this cake on one of their first dates. Obviously it worked, it was a done deal!! =D But this cake was absolutely delightful- light, refreshing yet full of flavor. I have a favourite cake from The Patissier here in Singapore- The Passionfruit Meringue Cake, but this one tops that for sure.

At my wedding in future, I will have this cake.

Brisbane I Northern Thai Beef Noodles

Brisbane I Thai Papaya Salad with Salted Egg

I did Thai quite a bit this trip, this was back in Brisbane. The Northern Thai noodle soup- never had anything like this before. It felt very home-cooked, like comfort food. I even sent the picture via BBM to my Dad, and his only reply way: Sofie, you're going to get fat. My dad never calls me by my full name, so it must have meant something.

Brisbane I Campos I Chocolate & Beetroot Cake- I don't even like beetroot, but it was hell good!!

Brisbane I Bubble Tea from Sunnybank- look at how big the cup is!!! I laughed so much!

Brisbane I Some beer place

 I really liked the beer, it was fruity and easy to go down.

Brisbane I the same beer place I Mussels

Brisbane I $1 Mussels!!

Brisbane I University of Queensland I Pizza & Boost

Brisbane I Korean Char Siew & Jellyfish

Brisbane I Korean Hot Pot

This blog entry is getting too long.

Ok see the summary of my trip via pictures as below: 

1. Tried to buy chips & Golden Gaytime (my favorite Aussie ice cream) from the petrol kiosk really late one night. Not realizing that because of security and recent shootings, you have to order from a hole in the glass and the guy picks out all the items for you, you can't even step into the store at all. It was freezing as hell. (and i was cursing like there was going to be no tomorrow)

Sydney I Some petrol kiosk I 2 girls in need of Honey Mustard Chicken Rock Deli Chips & Golden Gaytime

2. Walking by Chinatown in Sydney, and when I saw this shop, i walked in because I thought of Ghetto (all the sneakers and limited edition shoes- but has to be Nikes) and Leyla- rabbits & foxes (hell yeah!)

Sydney I Chinatown I Hell Yeah Rabbits & Nikes

3. In search of animals and pets living it up and being extraordinary to take pictures of!  This cat was indeed "Like A Boss". Cat walking owner, while the 3 dogs gathered for brunch.

Sydney I Bondi Market I "I am Boss- said the Cat"

Sydney I The Grounds I Brunch with the girlies

 4. Being awed and remembering why life is more than Singapore and we need to search for that light at the end of the tunnel. Vivid Sydney (www.vividsydney.com) - a festival of lights, music and ideas.

Sydney I Vivid Sydney I Video Mapping- Museum of Contemporary Art 

5. Indulging in cereal and milk every day because the milk in Australia is just so darn good, creamy and doesn't get non-cold (that temp. between fridge & post fridge- like how it gets in Singapore and totally sucks)

Brisbane I Just Right & me

6. Having very carefully and meticulously planned for a next tattoo, going down for a consultation, only to be told the wait list is 3 months, so I have to fly back to Brisbane in August- MEH!! My inspiration for the ink is below.

Brisbane I Lust for Life Tattoo

Tattoo Inspiration I Source: weheartit.com

7. Being completely amused by every small thing in sight and view- in today's context, nothing surprises me anymore, but anyone up for hire as a Badminton companion? It's AUD$6.50 an hour, pay is better than retail in Singapore.

Brisbane I Sunnybank I Badminton Companion for Hire?

8. Appreciating the finer things in life like home made cold pressed iced latte served out of a vintage VW van and then being completely Asian and making the owners take a picture with us.

Brisbane I Outside Farmers Market I Coffee please?

9. Having all the patience in the world and queuing for 2 hours to have brunch which later became lunch/tea. It was at this cafe at Alexandria called The Grounds. Apparently, it's this crowded every weekend. But this also brings me back to my point on the quality of life- how much of our time do we actually spend in enjoyment? in good company? having deep conversations? or appreciating the simpler moments?

Sydney I The Grounds

Sydney I The Grounds I Coffee on drip

Sydney I The Grounds I BURGER

10. Focusing so hard and taking what feels like a million pictures to try to capture the perfect rainbow picture but it didn't turn out great...at all. I did however see another rainbow in Brisbane, it was beyond my wildest imaginations-- I can't even describe it. 

Sydney I Bondi Beach

 11. Taking random pictures of life's tiniest yet most previous moments...

 

12. Meeting up with friends and new friends, no pretenses, no frills. We met Melba at a vintage store in Newtown, and became friends. The randomness of how people meet people and the coincidences of how things fall together are the moments that make up life itself.

Sydney I Baxton's Inn I Ju-Anne, me & Charisse (this picture was taken with an iPhone- it SUCKS)

Sydney I Bondi Beach I Ju-Anne, Menreet & me

Sydney I Newtown I Ju-Anne, Melba & me

Sydney I Ju-Anne, me & Cindy

Sydney I Chinatown I Menreet & Ju-Anne

Brisbane I Josia & the giant bubble tea

Sydney I Charlene & Ju-Anne

 13. Doing all the non-tourist things simply because I didn't want to be labelled a tourist. Steven studied in Brisbane so he said since I insisted on trying to be a local, i had to visit UQ, eat pizza and sit on the grass. 

In Australia, sitting on the grass is the norm. Bible studies are held at the grass patch in school, and they sing hymns. In Singapore, you go try to sit on the grass patch. JUST TRY.

Brisbane I University of Queensland

14. And of course, cam-whoring =) 

Too long a blog post! 

But thank you Australia for reminding me how much of life I'm missing out. xx