i had quite a long FB chat with Christy today. And she says i'm spot on about how she sees herself in her troubled relationship. I'm an expert at giving advise to others, but when it comes to myself, i throw all of it out the window. i should take it and completely apply it to myself.
"everyone says, but you are Sofie Chandra, you can choose anyone you want, you are amazing the way you are, and you deserve way better than what you put yourself through.
but then i say, that's not the point, i love him and i want to do these things for him, so that is all that matters. but in the process we keep loving ourselves less. giving in and giving in and then suddenly he seems so far away and I ask yourself why why cos i already keep giving. and to me he is the world, and he deserves all of me and all that I can give.
so it doesn't matter what people say. whatever I can take, I just take, even the smallest things. and the tiniest things that he does means so much, and I keep hanging on to it. every single word, every single action.
but somehow the more I try to hang on, the further he seems to go away from me. OR if I try to walk away he suddenly pulls me back, then I go back to the same cycle again."
And i know i'm finding every single excuse possible to justify his actions or rather non-actions. Maybe he's busy, maybe he just didn't have the time.
But i think he knows, he doesn't want me.
Simply. Put.
I want to die. dig a hole & just sit inside & cry mountains.
"everyone says, but you are Sofie Chandra, you can choose anyone you want, you are amazing the way you are, and you deserve way better than what you put yourself through.
but then i say, that's not the point, i love him and i want to do these things for him, so that is all that matters. but in the process we keep loving ourselves less. giving in and giving in and then suddenly he seems so far away and I ask yourself why why cos i already keep giving. and to me he is the world, and he deserves all of me and all that I can give.
so it doesn't matter what people say. whatever I can take, I just take, even the smallest things. and the tiniest things that he does means so much, and I keep hanging on to it. every single word, every single action.
but somehow the more I try to hang on, the further he seems to go away from me. OR if I try to walk away he suddenly pulls me back, then I go back to the same cycle again."
And i know i'm finding every single excuse possible to justify his actions or rather non-actions. Maybe he's busy, maybe he just didn't have the time.
But i think he knows, he doesn't want me.
Simply. Put.
I want to die. dig a hole & just sit inside & cry mountains.
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